Hello, I am Elliot

The nursery sent home a booklet for Elliot to fill out so they can get to know him. I love the way they all speak to the kids directly, even the tiny babies, so of course, the form has to be answered as if he is saying it. It made me realise how much of a personality he has already. This is what I would have liked to write (but didn't in case they put a * on the top corner of the form)...

HELLO, I AM...
Elliot

I CAN DO LOTS OF THINGS...
I can sit up by myself and crawl. I can also wave at you and sometimes clap.  I have recently got into buttons in a big way, I like to press them.

THINGS I LIKE TO DO...
I like to try to stand up by holding onto things. Usually things that will fall over like flimsy occasional tables and piles of books. I find that Dad's leg hairs make a good handle. He doesn't. If you're wearing any dangly jewellery I'll do my best to rip it off you (Brixton is my middle name). I also really like putting things in my mouth. I'll give anything a go, carpet, the recycling bin, electrical plugs. Hopefully I'll get hold of Mum's laptop charger soon, it looks delicious.
I'm an anarchist me. I love ripping up paper and knocking down towers made of blocks. It's very satisfying and if I clap enough someone will build a new one for me to knock down. I have no interest in building towers myself. I'm a baby, it's not in my job description.

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE TO DO...
Where do I start? I don't like books much. They seem a bit pointless. Especially the ones that aren't great to chew. I also don't like getting dressed. What a faff! I'd be quite happy to be nude all day long... and socks!? What are they? I don't see the point. I love my pram but geeze, getting into it really annoys me. I make sure everyone knows by screaming as much as I can as soon as I see it. I think I get my point across.

WHEN I AM HAPPY...
I smile and giggle and say "Bah!" really loudly. I'm a big fan of toilet humour. Raspberries are hilarious!

WHEN I AM SAD...
I don't cry very often, only when something is really quite upsetting. Like, I've dropped my banana, or bath time is over.

HOW I COMMUNICATE...
I like to copy you if you wave and say hello. I'm trying out a pterodactyl noise at the moment and I'll do it when you least expect it.

MY MEDICAL NEEDS...
Nothing really but I'm growing some teeth at the moment which is quite literally a pain in the a*se. Mum gives me teething powder from this weird little box that looks like it's from the 1930s. Not sure what it's made of, but it comes in little folded paper sachets. I honestly think she's asking for trouble walking around with it in her wallet. I'd like to see her explain that one to airport security.

HOW I MOVE AROUND...
I can crawl and I'm working on standing up. You may have noticed that I have a really big head which means that after a bit of crawling I'll rest it on the floor for a bit. But don't worry, I'll get up and continue soon enough. It's hard work!

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE TO EAT...
I eat everything! 

THINGS I CANNOT EAT (allergies/religious reasons)...
Please don't give me lobster. My grandad is allergic to it and I might be too. I'm fine with caviar, froie grais and bluefin tuna though.