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Last sunset at St Tommies

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After a delicious lunch this afternoon I had my fourth and final spinal injection (more gory details of this and other delights to follow sometime soon). I have to lie flat on my back for four hours to make sure it works this time. Luckily I have an iPhone, a sunset and two lovely boys to entertain me. If all goes to plan we get to go home tomorrow!!!!!


Degustion menu, NHS style

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Today the theme is beige.

A short play

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Doctor: I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Tom: What is it doctor?
Doctor: I'm afraid your baby is cute.
Tom: oh no! Is it serious?
Doctor: I'm afraid it's terminal.

The end.

The most interesting thing I've ever seen

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MVI 3663 from Tom Neish on Vimeo.

Welcome to London little man

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Morning Elliot fans, a little update for you all. Mum and bub are both doing really well, just exhausted. Unfortunately Em's had a bad reaction to the epidural which means she gets splitting headaches when she sits up, which means it's really difficult to feed him and do much of anything really. But she's being amazing, so amazing in fact that I'd like to start a petition to have Emma made Empress of All Women.

Elliot is the most beautiful boy in the world, and he's really chilled out and peaceful and hardly cries at all. These are words I look forward to eating one day in the not too near future.

Thanks for all the cards and pressies already, and all of the support by text, blog, phone and carrier pidgeon and the medium of cake. We couldn't have got through it all without you guys gee-ing us on.

With luck we'll be home this afternoon or tomorrow, but until Em's headaches get sorted out we're going to keep visitors to a steady trickle because she needs all her energy for beautiful little man.

We'll keep you all posted,
Papa Schneish

End of a long day

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Elliot George Brixton Neish

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Born at 6am on the 27th August 2010, weighing in at an impressive 8lb 10oz, little Elliot George Brixton Neish has come into the world after a marathon  36 hour birth. Incredibly proud mother is doing well (if a bit delerious).

Thanks to everyone for their kind messages before and during they helped get us through it.

It's a boy!

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Yoshimi takes after his Dad. Always late for the party, but he likes to arrive in style. 
Em's being a real digger! Can't be long to go now surely, but they're both doing well.

Ladies and gentlemen... Place yer bets!

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Hello Yoshimi fans, Tom here. I wouldn't be me if I didn't try and cheapen this somehow.
So in the comments section I want you all to place your bets on what little Yoshimi's going to weigh. The closest answer wins a special prize... A signed photo of the future defender of the earth from the giant robots - Yoshimi Neish!

Aug 25 - Progress!

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The yuppy has landed! Our brand new bright yellow Bugaboo Bee arrived yesterday (Thanks Pearl and Rob!!) just in time for the action to start....

I started having mild contractions at about 3am, by 4am they were coming every 10 minutes and I turned to Tom and said, "This is really going to hurt isn't it?" he just looked back at me with a weird scared look on his face.

I've built a nest for myself in the lounge room, kind of like when the cat drags your favourite jumper under the house to have kittens on, and we've been camping out here watching bad TV... Jedward Let Loose was a real highlight. We've got a contraction timer app on the iphone which sounds absurd, but it's so good! I just press a button when it starts and stops and they are all logged in. 102 in total so far!

The nest
This morning we went to the hospital (Thanks to Bella's Minicab Service. You rock!!) to get Yoshimi monitored because we thought nothing had really progressed and Yoshimi might have moved into a weird position, but it's all fine. In fact the midwife said it's all coming along well and she expects to see us back there later today for the finale!! She also gave me some paracetamol and a mysterious white pill. Whatever it is, it's AWESOME! I'm feeling very zen.

Hooray for painkillers
The Houses of Parliament in the background
I must say though, I was little disappointed that Samantha Cameron had her baby in Cornwall yesterday instead of at St Thomas'. It would have been nice to be greeted by the paps at the hospital this morning as I waddled in in my mismatched pyjamas.

More updates soon!... although Tom might be doing the typing.

Aug 24 - 41 weeks, time to leave the Big Mama house

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It's time to leave the Big Mama house...Yoshimi!

Aug 23 - Mum skills

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Will is moving to Japan so I thought I'd make him a traditional Japanese cake. Victoria sponge with strawberry jam and Hello Kitty stylings. Yoshimi has just over 24hrs to appear otherwise Uncle Will won't meet him/her for a whole year! I feel like something might be happening but I might need some help. Does anyone have any connections with Icelandic volcanoes?

This is the Hummingbird Bakery cream cheese icing recipe, it makes a basic sponge cake taste fancy innit....

Cream Cheese Frosting 
300g icing sugar, sifted
50g unsalted butter, at room temperature
125g Philadelphia cream cheese, cold

Beat the icing sugar and butter together with an electric mixer on medium-slow speed until the mixture comes together and is well mixed (if it doesn't come together add some more melty butter). Add the cold cream cheese in one go and beat until it is completely incorporated. Turn the mixer up to medium-high speed.

Continue beating until the frosting is light and fluffy, at least 5 minutes. Do not overbeat, as it can quickly become runny. When the cake is completely cold, spoon the cream cheese frosting between the layers and around the whole cake... and eat the rest with a spoon in your pyjamas.

Aug 23

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Boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing. It's 7.30am and I'm in my kitchen bouncing on a yoga ball. Got some weird pains, maybe it's starting... maybe I'm imagining things and losing my mind! Last night we were watching telly and I was so tired I started snoring WHILE I WAS AWAKE!

The days blend into the nights.

Aug 22 - Gangs of Brixton

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Like all South London youths, Yoshimi will be in a gang. So far the Brixton posse consists of; little bruiser George, hotty Bess, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth Maiwenn and big brother Ralph as well as some exciting new arrivals.

The girls in our NCT class have all started to pop with news of the latest addition this morning. J Jigga Jnr is now known as Joseph David Galaun, 10 pounds 13.5 ounces!! Well done Libby and Jez.... well, mainly Libby, what a whopper!

J Jigga Jnr
The rest of Yoshimi's bad ass Brixton posse are below...
Spencer Bibbings - Kieli and Ben's little boy
Aurelia May Valerie Purnell - Ky and Alex's little girl
Sofia Louise Bottaioli - Sarah and Emiliano's little girl
Now we're just waiting for little Egg-Fu Yong, Baby Bundock ....and Yoshimi!

Parents say the darndest things

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Mum: You'll find it's very entertaining having a kid especially when they start to talk.
Me: What sort of things did I say?
Mum: One of your first words was 'bugger'.
...I wonder where I got that from!

Aug 21

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I may be going about things the wrong way to coax the beast out. Listening to a few hours of ABC news radio during the election coverage certainly wasn't going to inspire Yoshimi to come and join us. Plus Tom made an excellent steak sandwich for lunch. Who'd want to leave a nice warm womb with steak sandwiches on tap when the other option is a brief stint with the NHS followed by the possibility of living in a country run by either a turd sandwich or a giant douche? If I was Yoshimi I'd stay inside too!

South Park - Turd Sandwich vs. Giant Douche video

Aug 20 - Hello Possums!

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Today we went to my favourite place in all of London, Borough Market to try to coax the beast out with delicious foodstuffs. Not only did I find Sydney strength coffee with perfectly frothed milk, I also found a LAMINGTON! It reminded me of one of my favourite books as a kid Possum Magic. A Grandma possum puts a spell on her grandchild to make her invisible and protect her from the dangers of the bush but she forgets how to reverse the spell. They trapse around the country looking for a remedy until finally the baby possum eats a magic lamington and reappears. I think my mum will make an excellent Grandma Poss.

If only Yoshimi were a possum...

Tom's ready to become a grandad. He was drinking Bovril in his dressing gown and slippers at 11am this morning while telling politically incorrect jokes. He's also on a mission to force feed me spicy food for every meal. If I see one more curry I'm going to chuck it at his head.

Crazy dream No.295

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Had a dream that Carla had ten babies all at once and she ran out of normal names for them all so some were called Syke, Snake, Kayak and Gadjango and they lived in a cafe in Manly.

...In other news we discovered that Yoshimi is alert and able hear when I did a rather loud fart and the poor little dear jumped from the fright. More curry for lunch today and a very long walk.

Aug 19

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We watched 'Look Who's Talking' last night (don't do it, it's not as good as you remember) and I realised that everything I know about the human reproductive system is based on seeing the opening credits of this movie as a child. The Beach Boys soundtrack and Bruce Willis' voice over really add to the scientific accuracy ...or in our case some Benny Hill music a voice over by Moss from The I.T Crowd.
See it here on YouTube

Still no Yoshimi, but I took some advice from Jess and tried the Van Halen method. Evidence below...

Aug 18 - A rumble?

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This morning I thought things were kicking off at 4am and paced up and down the house for about an hour with some Toni Braxton Hicks coming and going. But they went away again so I decided to start a blog. Of course! It's a natural progression. And here it is....

We went to our GP appointment and she says it's all moving along fine, we just have to wait. BUT I'M TOO EXCITED!!... plus we found some giant sunflowers on the way back from the doctors which was AWESOME! Come on Yoshimi look how cool the world is! Come out and see it!

... I may have had too much Milo.

Aug 17 - D-Day!!!

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Giant belly and pretty pink toes
40 weeks today! Here we are and not a rumble. In true Schneish style Yoshimi will be fashionably late.

We received lots of lovely messages from friends wishing us luck for today. Come on Yoshimi! everyone wants to see you! I feel like we're watching a kettle boil with an audience watching us.

I'm trying to relax now and forget about all the things I thought I would have done by now...like sewing a poignant and beautiful heirloom quilt for my unborn child and playing it Mozart so it develops an ear for sensitive music in the womb, becoming a famous illustrator, owning some property, learning how to cook etc. ...etc ...etc. I just want to get it out now! I'm so huge!

I had a reflexology massage this afternoon to try to get things moving, not sure if it did anything for Yoshimi, but it made me feel great and I got a pedicure too! The reflexologist from Return to Glory came to our house, it was awesome. After treating me she was off to Amy Winehouse's place to sort her out. I wished her luck with that one.

Aug 15 - Adventures in Nesting

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Babies need newly upholstered couches!

I'm pretty sure if we brought Yoshimi home from the hospital to our rotten old couch s/he would take one look at the place and say, "Who are these people? Have I moved into some sort of student squat? I'm going back in".  So I re-upholstered the landlord's stinky old couch with some Ikea curtain fabric. (Fabric at Ikea is much cheaper when you buy it as curtains and comes already hemmed by Swedish elves ...or their chinese friends).

Looks nice innit?

Fig. A - Welcome to the frat house

Fig B. - Much more civilized

Aug 14 - Adventures in Nesting (nothing is safe)

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Today the nesting got serious and moved on to Tom, or more specifically, his face. We got him some fancy new glasses from Cutler and Gross... now about that hair...

Aug 13

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Today I tried to induce labour by going shopping on Oxford St. It didn't work but I got some lovely soft furnishings and I was told I am 'very brave' by a number of people.

Tom just told me my bum "looks great even when it's scaled up". Does this deserve a kiss or a slap? I'm not sure...

Aug 9 - Adventures In Nesting

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You know your mind has gone when you get up at 5am to file tax receipts, I just hope it comes back to me someday.

I feel like it has suddenly become imperitive to have everything filed in matching yellow folders. Seeing as I've been waiting for this burst of organisation to come to me for 30 years I'm not going to let it pass me by. I've also completely dismantled all the piles of crap on Tom's desk so he's taken to working in bed.

Casual Mondays at Tom's office

Aug 8 - Crazy dream No.294

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Just woke up screaming "Don't squeeze me!".
Is Yoshimi trying to tell me something?

Aug 7: Mum skills

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Yesterday I tested out my mum skills by making a birthday cake for Bella from the Australian Women's Weekly Cookbook.  Although the new edition doesn't have some of the classics like the famous Swimming Pool Cake and highly coveted Barbie Doll cake, there are still some gems. I just couldn't go past Fifi the pink poodle cake.

I think it's the pinkest thing I've ever made. I also took Clem's advice and turned it into a Hummingbird Bakery red velvet cake by adding a whole bottle of Dr Oetker's red colouring and a few teaspoons of cocoa. The charming result was a cake that, once cut into, looked like an actual poodle had been sliced open.

Tom made an amazing Thai feast for dinner and 'neished' the kitchen in the process. Definition and accompanying evidence below.

  neish (nee--sh) 
  neished, neishing, neishes  
  1. To use every pot, pan, plate and utensil in the kitchen whilst cooking and leave it in a state likened  to the aftermath of an atomic explosion.
  2. A food preparation practice in diametric opposition to cleaning up as you go along named after esteemed gastronomer and spunk rat Thomas Lloyd Neish.
  [Origin: The term was first used by Matt S when Tom Ravenscroft came home to find their shared kitchen in a state "Sorry, mate, I've neished the kitchen".]

Aug 4

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Yoshimi seems to have really long legs, from my calculations from bum bump to foot bump they are about 28cm long... This is a good thing, hopefully we've got rid of the short genes and Yoshimi will be a famous basketball player, catwalk model or at the very least a shelf stacker who specialises in high shelves. It's good to have a specialty.

Jess has had a premenition of D-Day, she's hoping my typographic stubborness will come into play...
"Yoshimi looks ready to drop at any moment... though I'm going to bet this stubborn baby designer-to-be is going to hold out for 10.08.10 for the graphic clarity/symmetry of the date. Or 06.08.10 if a maths nerd-to-be... at 02.04am if we're going to get really specific with these bets."

Jess, I love your idea of typographic symmetry for Yoshimi's birthday. I'm going to seriously aim for those dates! Of course the names we've chosen are based entirely on their typographic aesthetic. But we're not telling what they are yet. We're still deciding just how comedic a middle name should be. There's a fine line between comedy and cruelty.

Aug 3 - Welcome to The Drop Zone

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We've now only got 2 weeks to go until our due date so we're officially in The Drop Zone!!

I've been nesting like some sort of insane bird. Poor Tom is putting up with some crazy behaviour. I made him re-paint our bathroom on Saturday. Babies need freshly painted bathrooms! It's very important!! But usually by about 3 in the afternoon my nesting instinct gives way to lying on the couch eating Magnums instinct. I also have fully fledged baby brain so Tom has to keep reminding me to finish sentences. He calls me Bronty Brain because I have the reaction time of a brontosaurus.
I'm feeling pretty good, but very heavy, so far I've put on about 15kg, I feel like I'm carrying a giant bum bag with me wherever I go. The transition between lying down and standing up has become slapstick entertainment for Tom. I make some excellent noises and I've developed a new way of rolling out of bed that involves launching myself off the side and landing on all fours. Yoshimi is now almost fully engaged which is quite uncomfortable, kind of like having someone intermittently headbutt you on the pelvic floor. So my midwife thinks it could all happen right now ...or I could be waiting another 4 weeks max. I think it will be late, Tom thinks it will be early. We've actually got a £7 million bet riding on it (Tom already owes me £7 million from previous bets).

I'm hoping to get an epidural for the birth if it gets too hard, but they're pretty hard to get over here unless you're really distressed and they bribe you with a really nice room, ensuite bathroom and views of the Thames if you do it naturally. If you end up having an epidural they move you out of the birthing rooms straight afterwards and onto a ward with 4 other women and your partner has to go home at 9pm. So that's pretty crap but I'm just going to see what happens on the day. I'm actually not feeling too scared of it all, I'm too excited to meet this little person!